Old dogs and old friends

[Ottoman]

It's a very interesting time to say the least. About 14 years ago my wife brought home a black lab mut. He's been great a dog and we have a great run. Old age has robbed him of his hearing a couple of years ago and now has taken from him his ability to walk. Like it or not, the time has come for me to put him down. Really, kind of a downer but I think tonight I'll say good bye.

I started working for Bill, a cabinetmaker, during my summers off during junior high and through high school as well as college. As it turns out I've got saw dust in my viens and I'll be a woodworker the rest of my days. I started working full time for Bill in the mid 90's and as fate would have it Bill began working for me early in the 2000's and I have continued to learn from him to this day.

The problem is old age, parkinsons, and neuropathy have almost complete taken away Bill's ability to be productive. I've kept him employeed dispite the fact that it has been finacially a bad decsicion. I talked to him over the weekend about his plans for the future and learned that he'd like to stay working another six years. I just don't see it happening. Other than my respect and desire to do whats right, I can see no complelling argument to be made to continue this for much longer. Like my dog, it seems the time has come and gone.

Anyone else worked through a situation like this? It's hard to know what the right thing to do is. Of course, the situation is further complicated by beacuae he's my father.

[Allan Edwards]

Very sobering situation you’re in. Regarding your dog, when the time comes you know it and you are doing the best for them by not allowing him to suffer.

As far as your Dad, it sounds like to me he is lucky to have you as a son and now you must make a very tough decision. I’m sure your love for him will help you do what’s best for him and you.

How old is your Dad?

[dave_k]

The problem is old age, parkinsons, and neuropathy have almost complete taken away Bill's ability to be productive. I've kept him employeed dispite the fact that it has been finacially a bad decsicion. I talked to him over the weekend about his plans for the future and learned that he'd like to stay working another six years. I just don't see it happening. Other than my respect and desire to do whats right, I can see no complelling argument to be made to continue this for much longer. Like my dog, it seems the time has come and gone.
.

Sit down and talk to him and tell him the business can't afford to pay him a full salary any more. Pay him a token amount to do something to make him feel useful and productive. Hopefully it won't be to make him feel productive. Hopefully he will have something to offer. Whatever you do keep him moving and give him a purpose. It's really important for him to keep moving and motivated.

[Allan Edwards]

Pay him a token amount to do something to make him feel useful and productive. Hopefully it won't be to make him feel productive. Hopefully he will have something to offer. Whatever you do keep him moving and give him a purpose. It's really important for him to keep moving and motivated.

I was thinking same thing, I think that is a good suggestion IF it is feasible. I expect at his Dad's age just staying busy and having a purpose in life is what he needs.

[Tom Bainbridge]

im in the same mind as davek and allen

your Dad knew the realitly long before you said a single thing

give him a job that involves him in the simple day to day running of the business that involves no "work" but makes him feel useful

sweeping and making coffee is perfect, its useful

talking to the "boys" will keep him happy all day and out of your Mums hair

[Ottoman]

He's 69 this month. If you didn't know him you'd think he was in his late 80's. I've considered the token salary and I've considered allowing him piece work. I know he doesn't accurately track his hours, he believes he's hiding his slowness from me. So it is really hard to acutaully know what his employment means to me financially. My big concern is less about money though that is a real aspect. The issue is that it takes an incredible amount of energy to coordinate his work Then, there is the saftey issues as well. His body says stop before his stuborn mind does. I'm just trying to figure out what's right. I really don't want to look back with regret.

[parkwest]

I don't know how big your operation is but with his experience, couldn't you use him as a project manager? Or maybe you can get him doing estimates or something else in the office. Tell him it's about time you gave him a promotion.

Best wishes for you and the dog. My son is in the same boat with his redbone. My son is 28 and he has had that dog since he was 14. I'm going to miss her too.

I had one of the best dog's ever and when she went I didn't think I would even want another dog. I waited years and finally last summer I picked me out a brittany pup. Makes me wonder why I waited. He has been one remarkable dog.

[dave_k]

I went through a similar experience with my dad a few years back. He wasn't involved in my business but his life was his work. After retirement he spent all his time in his workshop. He was very productive doing woodworking, silversmithing and metal working well into his 80's. He had glaucoma and went blind in his 80's and tried to hide it.

The first thing he lost was the car, thankfully no one died due to he and my mothers tag team highway merges. He had all the neighborhood turn timed.

My mother then had to keep him out of the shop because he would try to work with power tools. The evidence of his declining physical skills was in his carving tools which as long as I had known him were razor sharp and true. his attempts to sharpen them left them dull and ragged.

Finally I got a call to come down (they lived 1100 miles away from us) and clean out his shop and take all his tools away for his own safety. It was one of the saddest days of my life. he hovered around the door of his shop as I loaded up my van with tools.

He went out with me to buy a bottle of wine for dinner that night. Neither of us came out and said it but we said goodbye on that drive. That winter he was blind, housebound because of heavy snow so his mind collapsed inward on itself and he fell into dementia and died of pneumonia just after Christmas.

The time was right to take his tools away from him, I knew it and he was resigned to it. it was too hard on my mother to be responsible for his safety. It was just time for him to quit.

Ottoman, this is an immensely difficult and emotionally trying decision for you. On the one hand is your fathers safety and on the other hand is his sense of purpose and will to fight. There is going to be a time where he has to give up work. Don't feel guilty if you have to make that decision for him. Someone has to take responsibility. if you have to take his work away from him hopefully there is something to occupy his mind.

[dgbldr]

Tough one. I would talk to your mom and siblings (if any). You know what needs to be done, it's just a matter of doing it in such a way that you preserve his dignity and self worth. Best of luck to you and your dad.

[nckeith]

Hate to hear this for you. I have been through this once. I had a stubborn old, one of a kind superintendent who refused to see that his mind was willing but his body was not. I would drive onto sites and see him limping along hiding a wound that would not heal on his leg due to onset of type 2 diabetes. He was a man cut from the old cloth who simply would never call it quits, so I had to do it for him. I figured with 99 weeks of unemployment coming his way and social security, he could make it work. About 9 months after I did the unthinkable, I got a phone call from his wife thanking me. About a month after his "layoff" he had a stroke. However, he was now on the mend and thanks to more rest and not being subjected to the riggers of construction, he was healthier. She told me her biggest fear would be he would die working. Sometimes you just have to do it. Things will work out.

[tom struble]

i have no wisdom..just wish you and your dad the best

[Joe Adams]

Life is about more than money. There will come a time when you would give anything for one more day working with your Dad. Trust me on this one.

If he's an obvious danger to himself and others, you need to do whatever is necessary to keep him safe but try to maintain his dignity. Otherwise, I would make accommodations to let him go through the motions for as long as he possibly can regardless of whether or not it makes sense financially.

[Ottoman]

Thank you everyone for your input. I'm afraid there will be no easy answers for me. For the time being he will continue to work in the roll that he currently has. We've talked some about this and we probably both know in our heart of hearts how it ends.

Dave's story is what I'm afraid of most I think. Thanks for sharing. I guess I need to figure out exactly what's important to me and why. Joe's right there's alot more to life than money. Just don't want to screw this up.