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Thread: New Forum Rumor

  1. #1
    Join Date
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    Default New Forum Rumor

    Not exactly a biz strategy post…but was’nt sure where to post this one.
    Is this just a rumor? I heard that Hanley-Wood was seriously considering adding a new JLC expert forum titled “Edwards-Siebert Shootout”. We may never get to enjoy this here because the parties are bogged down in negotiations mostly due to the following hurdles:
    1) Dick is insisting on naming the forum Siebert-Edwards instead of Edwards-Siebert and wants top billing (his argument is “age before beauty”). Acknowledging they have reviewed Dick’s credentials (and are very impressed), Hanley–Wood claims that the alphabetical order of the names is more appropriate. Stay tuned. In any event, Ode has suggested the new designation of “Certified Graduate Contributor” for himself and few others if both Allen and Dick are promoted to their own forum.
    2) Allen is insisting that Hanley-Wood come up with another forum to introduce at the same time as a single addition would throw off the symmetry of the Forum columns in the main page (having an odd - instead of even - number of expert forums to select from) and claims he would go nuts looking at the a-symmetrical columns 50 times per day and wants an even number of forums on the website...he was quoted as saying “if you can’t built it right, don’t build it at all”.
    3) Allan wants the option of subcontracting (outsourcing) the many responses that are anticipated…sort of a ghostwriter approach. Anyone interested…please fax resume and a copy of their certificates of insurance to…
    Dick believes this would provide an unfair advantage, but in the event this is allowed, insists that any subs be willing to provide proof of US citizenship.
    4) Dick, in anticipation that this could really take off, has consulted with his new attorney about national syndication, radio and TV and the ensuing special licensing requirements (Dick has sought out new representation since he discovered his former attorney was born in Houston…only lived there till the age of 8, but says that is besides the point and beyond the statute of limitations).
    5) As incredible as it may seem, there are certain requirements that will need to be met with respect to any new JLC office space…the most significant of which have to do with specifications on width and spacing of underground parking areas (wide enough for Dick’s Hummer) and special padding of poured concrete support columns that might scratch his Patek Phillipe… while walking through the area. Dick insists on approving architectural plans and proof positive construction photos of the window flashing details on any office space Hanley-Wood is considering. Dick also wants to make sure that any existing buildings were contracted using AIA documentation. Allan is insisting on mud set walls and not cement backer in the restrooms. They both want a patinized, copper, gutter and leader system…but the profile is up to Hanley-Wood.
    6) In light of the heated commentary on the existing Forums…both Dick and Allen have been asked to attend seminars on how to benefit from making politically correct statements. The corporate higher-ups are currently evaluating previous statements from Dick like “Allen, you right wing reactionary” and from Allen like “Dick, you communist liberal”.
    7) Allen is investigating whether his current GL policy will provide proper coverage if anything said on this new forum is taken seriously and damages result. Possibly a rider on completed operations. Allen claims that although his homes are defect free (and have been since 1986), his posts may not be.
    8) Dick wants the “grey out” feature when selecting the log out button on the forum to be disabled…his mom who has the new big screen TV tied to her computer, says it “spooked her” when she agreed to check out what Dick was posting during a break in her day trading. Hanley-Wood is giving this some consideration. Mom suggested that Dick could upgrade his wristwatch if this forum idea ended up being a home run.
    9) In spite of the apparent ample free time Dick and Allen both have on their hands as evidenced by their varied and numerous posts, there are some potential schedule constraints. Dick has been recently called as an expert witness for a watch manufacturer who claims that the "Italian" leather used for their watch bands has actually been traced to originate from a cattle ranch somewhere in the heart of Texas…he might be tied up on this one for awhile. Citing the political trends to elect celebrities to office in California, Allan says that there is a strong push for him to get into his local political arena in Houston…granted this push is primarily from the Hispanic community. He promises to keep Hanley-Wood informed on any developments.
    10) Last but not least is… Hanley-Wood is considering that both relocate to the state of Ohio because of concerns coming from both camps about Texas’ possible plans to secede from the Union and the eventuality of California breaking off, sinking and becoming a small island when the next big one hits…

    Lets just hope… that it all comes together ;).

  2. #2
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    Default Re: New Forum Rumor

    That was a great start to my day. I hope Allan and Dick can appreciate it.

    Andrew

  3. #3
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    Default Re: New Forum Rumor

    You can't be in this business as long as these guys...and not have a sense of humor.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: New Forum Rumor

    It took me about a year to straighten out Sonny, he's a wirey-chain smoking hard headed Greek, Dick is a piece of cake compared to him. I've just about brought Dick to his senses. Another week or two he'll be subcontracting his framing, cancelling his WC, chewin' tobacco, and yelling "hookem' Horns" or "gig em Aggies".

  5. #5
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    Default Re: New Forum Rumor

    I should also mention that according to Arnold, Dick is one of those "girlie-men", he lumped union leaders and CA attorneys into that designation. I think Dick may qualify. I may have to rescind my invitation for him to come to Texas, we are all real men here.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: New Forum Rumor

    I have to say, that's got to be about the funniest damned thing I've read here or anywhere else in a while. The sad part is, that most of it's true!!! LOL

    I was actually envisioning more of an MTV "Celebrity Death Match" type of contest. Little clay models of Allan and Dick getting slung around the wrestling ring, with an assortment of carpentry tools outside the ring for their use.

    I can see it now- "Contractor Death Match- The Paper Pusher vs. The Excessively High-Paying Self-Performer"

    "OOOHHH! Siebert's grabbed the Sawzall, and he's trying to remove Edwards' ten-gallon hat with a plaster-cutting blade!!!"

    "OOUUCCHH!! That had to hurt! Edwards just got his humongous belt buckle caught on Siebert's Breitling and tore Siebert's arm hand off at the wrist!! Looks like that Texas potmetal beat the fragile girlie-man watch band hands down!"

    God, that made my day.....lol.

    Bob

  7. #7
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    Default Re: New Forum Rumor

    Bob:
    This stuff would only make sense to someone who has been around the forums for a while (addiction) or has recently overdosed on JLC Online. Anyway, you can’t help but love and respect these 2 guys. Reading their posts, I am sure there are others who are reminded of the ol’timers that we have had the privilege of working with from time to time. The post was intentionally toned down a bit to put a smile on Allan’s face and maybe even to get Dick to…grin a little. Gotta have a little fun.
    Henry

  8. #8
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    Default Re: New Forum Rumor

    Allan is being totally obstinate, as usual.

    1) He is demanding that the office space be clad in Hardie board, I want something nice like California Clear Heart Redwood. I know what he's up to, he's trying to destroy my concentration with the constant rattling noise of the Hardie board, while he's use to it.

    2) He is demanding a "Smoke Free" office, I think it's only right that I be able to pass out cigars to the guests, and we are allowed to smoke them during filming (we are going to be filming when we are syndicated on national TV).

    3) He is objecting to my very reasonable demand that all guests be Nobel Prize winners, and we limit our guests to our native states (apparently Texas doesn't have any Noble Prize winners, and he thinks this will give me an unfair advantage).

    4) He is also objecting to my legal representation, he doesn't want to let the ACLU represent me.

    And 5) A big stumbling block, he wants a clause in the contract making Hanley Wood responsible for all mold.



    I, on the other hand, have been very reasonable, as usual. I have graciously agreed that all food served during the filming be Texas Steaks (he originally insisted on over-cooked barbecued meat, but conceded), I agreed that no quiche would be served.

    We have both agreed that Ohio is out, neither of us even know where it is, but I am refusing to go to Texas because of the humidity and poverty down there, and he is refusing to come to California because he's scared of the Girlie-men attacking him. We've got a long way to go on this one, but I just heard that Sonny has graciously agreed to host us in Florida.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: New Forum Rumor

    Florida's no good, Dick- the humidity there is just like in Texas- Allan will feel right at home while you struggle to breathe in that thick, moist air- it's like being underwater.

    I'll be set up in Phoenix shortly, and we can host the games there- it's a nice, dry climate, the taxes are dirt low compared to what both of you are used to, and I'll use my house for the filming so I can take the business write-off.

    There'll be no shortage of attractive audience members, as it appears that ASU imports tons of suntanned, bleached blonds from both Texas and California in addition to the local talent.

    Or, we can have Steve Price build us a nice new studio to film in- assuming he ever finishes his house out there in Cali and actually gets permanently settled.

    Of course, Allan will be more accustomed to the Mexican cuisine, though they butcher it down there by turning it into "Tex-Mex". Why do they have to try and get a piece of everything- even the good food????

    Bob

  10. #10
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    Default Re: New Forum Rumor

    Gawd! This is a great post Henry!!! Shoot out at the Ok Corral! LOL.

    Dick Ohio is easily recognized. It is the only state round on both ends and hi in the middle.

    Allan, Sonny will be along, directly...

    This tale is an Ode for sure. LOL.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: New Forum Rumor

    Negotiations have been concluded for the day. Allan has agreed to an architect but doesn't want to pay anymore than 1% for his fee, but at the same time he is insisting on an interior decorator and wants to pay her 10 times what the architect is paid, he is also insisting on a female decorator, saying he doesn't want any of those "girlie-men" decorators. He is also insisting that the space be procured by his wife, a licensed Realtor, and he is insisting that she get paid a full 6% commission.

    All garage issues have been resolved, he needs the added height for his 10 gallon hat, and the additional width for the steer horns bolted to the hood of his '76 Chevy 3/4 ton pickup.

    He's fighting Hanley Wood on the overhead issue, insisting that it not exceed 4%, in fact he's now insisting that he be allowed to do it himself in Buildsoft.

  12. #12
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    Default Re: New Forum Rumor

    This is hilarious. Forget building. You two put together a radio talk show for builders. I'll produce it. How much can we make? Too funny Henry.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: New Forum Rumor

    Allan is busy today watching the slump up on the back of the concrete truck (called cement truck in Texas), I told him about slump tests, but they haven't heard of them down there and Allan says he can tell better by looking down into the truck while it's turning. He then is going into negotiations with Ken Lay for his condo in downtown Houston, Lay wants the option to buy it back after he gets out of prison. In the meantime Allan's landscape architect has come up with the preliminary plans for the landscaping sculpture in Allan's front yard at his new country home. What do you think?
    http://www.fototime.com/DC6B973CA658C34/standard.jpg His architect has presented his prelims, and says he can't do much more for the architectural budget, apparently Allan is going to accept it and let his decorator work her magic.
    Last edited by Dick Seibert; 12-18-2008 at 12:22 PM.

  14. #14
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    Default Re: New Forum Rumor

    Kenny boy is not going to prison. The only thing he was guilty of was swindling some dumb liberal Californians out of money for electricity. Here, that gets you elected, not convicted.

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