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received a nice email today: Tools explained.

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  • received a nice email today: Tools explained.

    Tools explained

    Drill Press
    A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

    Wire Wheel
    Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, s-it!"

    Skill Saw
    A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

    Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

    Belt Sander
    An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

    One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

    Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

    Oxyacetylene Torch
    Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

    Table Saw
    A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

    Hydraulic Floor Jack
    Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

    Band Saw
    A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you have made your cuts on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

    Two-Ton Engine Hoist
    A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

    Phillips Screwdriver
    Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

    Straight Screwdriver
    A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws, and often butchering your palms.

    Pry Bar
    A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

    Hose Cutter
    A tool used to make hoses too short.

    Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit, usually smashing the thumb that is holding the object that you are trying to pound into whatever it is that you are working on - effectively eliminating the need for manicure care on that thumbnail for weeks. See: Son-of-a-b---h TOOL

    Utility Knife
    Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. It is especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

    Son-of-a-B---h Tool
    Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling, "Son of a b---h" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
    ycf dino

  • #2
    Re: received a nice email today: Tools explained.

    Gotta admit, best laugh I've had in a while.


    • #3
      Re: received a nice email today: Tools explained.

      my favor is the very last one.

      I called my electrician / friend Frank after reading the email...

      Frank, Is your hammer Ok?

      No guys wanted to work in the same room with Frank.
      James walked off the job every time he saw Frank with a hammer.

      funny but I started designing a new screw head.
      Last edited by ycf dino; 04-18-2012, 03:37 PM.


      • #4
        Re: received a nice email today: Tools explained.

        From Dr JON.
        Before you read to the end, does anybody know what the main ingredient of WD-40 is? Don't lie and don't cheat. WD-40. I had a neighbor who bought a new pickup. I got up very
        > early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray
        > painted red all around the sides of this beige truck (for
        > some unknown reason). I went over, woke him up, and told him
        > the bad news. He was very upset.
        > Another neighbor came out and told him to
        > get his WD-40 and clean it off. It removed the unwanted paint
        > beautifully and did not harm his paint job that was on the truck.
        > I'm impressed! WD-40 who knew? 'Water Displacement #40'. The
        > product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent
        > and degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in
        > 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical
        > Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a
        > 'water displacement' compound.. They were successful with the
        > fortieth formulation, thus WD-40. The Convair Company bought
        > it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts. Ken East
        > (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40
        > that would hurt you... When you read the 'shower door' part,
        > try it. It's the first thing that has ever cleaned that
        > spotty shower door. If yours is plastic, it works just as
        > well as glass. It's a miracle! Then try it on your stove top
        > ... Viola! It's now shinier than it's ever been. You'll be
        > amazed.
        > WD-40 uses:
        > 1. Protects silver from tarnishing.
        > 2. Removes road tar and grime from cars.
        > 3. Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
        > 4. Gives floors that 'just-waxed' sheen without making them
        > slippery.
        > 5.. Keeps flies off cows.
        > 6. Restores and cleans chalkboards.
        > 7. Removes lipstick stains.
        > 8. Loosens stubborn zippers.
        > 9. Untangles jewelry chains.
        > 10. Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.
        > 11. Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.
        > 12. Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing.
        > 13. Removes tomato stains from clothing.
        > 14. Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots.
        > 15. Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.
        > 16. Keeps scissors working smoothly..
        > 17. Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes.
        > 18. It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Use
        > WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring. It
        > doesn't seem to harm the finish and you won't have to scrub
        > nearly as hard to get them off. Just remember to open some
        > windows if you have a lot of marks.
        > 19. Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if not
        > removed quickly! Use WD-40!
        > 20. Gives a children's playground gym slide a shine for a
        > super fast slide.
        > 21. Lubricates gear shift and mower deck lever for ease of
        > handling on riding mowers...
        > 22.. Rids kids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises.
        > 23. Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them
        > easier to open..
        > 24. Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.
        > 25. Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in
        > vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers.
        > 26. Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles.
        > 27. Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans
        > 28. Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and
        > bicycles for easy handling.
        > 29. Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them
        > running smoothly.
        > 30. Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other
        > tools.
        > 31. Removes splattered grease on stove.
        > 32. Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging.
        > 33. Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
        > 34. Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).
        > 35. Removes all traces of duct tape.
        > 36. Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to
        > relieve arthritis pain.
        > 37. Florida 's favorite use is: 'cleans and removes love bugs
        > from grills and bumpers.'
        > 38. The favorite use in the state of New York , WD-40
        > protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.
        > 39. WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a little on live bait or lures
        > and you will be catching the big one in no time. Also, it's a
        > lot cheaper than the chemical attractants that are made for
        > just that purpose. Keep in mind though, using some chemical
        > laced baits or lures for fishing are not allowed in some
        > states.
        > 40. Use it for fire ant bites.. It takes the sting away
        > immediately and stops the itch.



        • #5
          Re: received a nice email today: Tools explained.

          41. WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on
          > the mark and wipe with a clean rag.
          > 42. Also, if you've discovered that your teenage daughter has
          > washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry,
          > saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and rewash. Presto!
          > The lipstick is gone!
          > 43. If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap, it would
          > displace the moisture and allow the car to start.
          > P.S. The basic ingredient is FISH OIL.


          • #6
            Re: received a nice email today: Tools explained.

            Very good Dino. I liked the table saw testing the wall integrity one. I can relate to that.

            I knew about the fish oil. I must have read that one before. I wonder if WD40 is organic or do they use farm raised fish?


            • #7
              Re: received a nice email today: Tools explained.


              Water Displacement- 40th attempt/iteration.

              I also knew about fish oil.


              Check with the AHJ, what we say doesn't matter.


              • #8
                Re: received a nice email today: Tools explained.

                not the only cheater if I say that I knew about Fish il...too :)

                Dr Jon is my friend from the old days.
                His tool room? was so perfect. 20 different files..10 hammers and just about anything that you can't think about...every tool copied in the a picture.

                Before I started working in his master bathroom, (a $60.000.00 small bathroom job..)
                he told me that we can use his tools.

                Now that I'm thinking about it...he don't really want us to use his tools
                but to show us that he knows all about tools :)...

                Funny. Every tool that we use for the job was made by me and my guys.
                Pry bars, modified hammers, special bits for Mr Philips heads and few more stuff.
                The best of all was the latest version of our DMW. ( dead man working)
                When the job was done...we had to remake all our tools again.
                They stayed at a good home until Jon sold it and he call me to go over the house and take everything that I want. And while I was there fo fix few things...:)

                Over the years in construction I was so lucky to meet so many interesting and special people.
                All Tooolaholics and very generous. Jon give me his Rolex.

                Imagine that?

                Thanks Jon.
                Last edited by ycf dino; 04-18-2012, 07:39 PM.


                • #9
                  Re: received a nice email today: Tools explained.

                  WD40 was a subject of Modern Marvels on the History Channel. A year or two ago. They explained the process, the failures and finally the success.


                  Check with the AHJ, what we say doesn't matter.


                  • #10
                    Re: received a nice email today: Tools explained.

                    A member in our forum posted this:



                    • #11
                      Re: received a nice email today: Tools explained.

                      Have an old college buddy who ended up getting advanced degrees in Chem engineering. He told me one time that you can mix two common products and get a damn close copy (everything but the smell). Of course I can't remember either one but I seem to remember gasoline or oil. Should have tried it while it was fresh in the head.

                      Fish oil is not one of them.


                      • #12
                        Re: received a nice email today: Tools explained.

                        It also does a great job getting the grease out from under your fingernails after working on that old truck/car/boat/cycle/etc.

                        Hoppes #9 smells much better though.